Love Letters or Red Flags? Signs Your Valentine Isn’t Real

Seeing someone online? You’re not alone—about 30% of adults in the U.S. are using dating apps. Many recognize the potential risk in dating someone sight-unseen, especially women and older users. Nearly half of users even want companies to require background checks on users. Until they do, it’s up to users to be on the lookout for red flags and signs of deception and fraud.

Romance scams tend to spike around Valentine’s Day, when many people are feeling sentimental, hopeful, or are simply more open to connection. Scammers know this and often take advantage of those emotions to trick people into sharing money, sensitive information, or access to company systems. Here’s what you need to look out for and how to protect yourself while you’re searching for your special someone.

Tips to Avoid Romance Scams

The good news is that a little awareness goes a long way. These practical tips can help anyone stay safe, no technical expertise required.

• Be skeptical of rapid emotional closeness. If someone you’ve never met starts expressing strong feelings quickly, or quickly escalates from flirtation to deep intimacy, treat it as a warning sign. Scammers often rush the closeness and use “love bombing” to build trust.
• Avoid sharing personal details too soon. Information like your address, workplace, and daily routine can be misused. Keep early conversations light and general.
• Never send money or gift cards. Romance scammers frequently invent emergencies—medical bills, travel issues, or sudden crises—to pressure online connections into paying. Real partners don’t ask for financial help out of the blue.
• Don’t share company information. Even casual questions about your job, systems or coworkers can be attempts to gather intel for phishing or fraud. Genuine partners will never request your work-related secrets, clearance information, or financial details.
• Be skeptical of excuses for not meeting. Claims of being stationed overseas, stuck on an oil rig, or traveling constantly are common tactics to avoid video calls or in-person meetings.
• Watch for inconsistencies. Photos that look too polished, stories that change, or messages that feel copied and pasted are all red flags.
• Protect your digital security. Don’t share personal or work email addresses, and don’t click on unknown links or download attachments.
• Use official platforms wisely. If you’re on a dating site, keep communication inside the app until you’re confident the person is legitimate. Scammers often try to move conversations to private messaging quickly.
• Talk to someone you trust. If a situation feels “off,” get a second opinion. A friend, colleague, or family member can often spot red flags you might miss.
• Report suspicious behavior. If you have restricted clearance or access at your place of work, notify your company’s risk or security department if someone is persistently seeking classified or personal data. Early reporting could prevent serious breaches.